His will to live was sustained through a semi-illusion and semi-reality of intimacy. Had he not found it, he would have continued his life in a dazed and confused state, lacking the motivation to face whatever trials and troubles life had in store and in desperate need for a reason or goal that would justify or encourage his continued existence.
He was well aware that it was not a genuine relationship. The girl, two semesters ahead of him and one year his senior, had made it clear when she proposed the arrangement to him. She needed a substitute for her lost lover, and he was desperate for something intimate to give his life meaning or purpose. It was all business.
But it did not feel as if the relationship was entirely artificial. The feelings and emotions involved were both false and true. They did not have feelings for one another, but the affection they enveloped each other with was genuine. She did not love him and he did not love her, but they loved each other every day with honest passion and want and need. It was a relationship that was not born out of or based on love, but it was filled with it, and it was earnest. Their love was real yet not real.
He did not care, for he was more than content with his current state of affairs and with his affair and so was she. They had found genuine happiness in their insincere relationship, and that was all that mattered.